Let's be honest! All of us want to show our best to the world, our best angle, our greatest strengths. There is a fine line, however, between showing my best self and portraying perfection. Yes, I sometimes wear makeup even when I am going to the gym (like the selfie to the left). I also frequently crop out my arm flab on social media and angle the camera to prevent a double chin. Those are well known "secrets of the selfie" and I love them. The problem comes when we only ever show our strengths. Whether it is on social media or in person, we all have a tendency to display more of our strengths than our weaknesses. But what about the people out there who are really struggling with something right now and really need to know that they are not alone? What if someone out there is comparing their weaknesses to everyone else's strengths? That would make for a pretty harsh world to live in... I know because I used to think that way.
This is what I really look like after a workout most days...-->
Super sweaty, blotchy red skin, no make up, not exactly smiling because I am worn out.
This is not just about social media posts, sometimes this happens in person. I can still remember one day when a dear friend stopped by unannounced when Shawn was a newborn and rang the door bell. I hit the deck as if someone was trying to shoot me with judgmental darts and avoiding them was my only hope of survival. I waited for her to go away before getting up and carrying on with my day. Why did I do that? Was this person coming to steal my joy or point out my flaws? No, but that's how I felt immediately. I hadn't showered in days, sleep was a distant memory, the house was a disaster area. And I just could not bring myself to welcome someone in and act like I was fine with it. How sad is that? This friend was well meaning and trying to congratulate me! She would not have judged me or been offended by my real life situation. It was my own insecurity that caused the problem. And I know I am not alone in that. I don't pretend I'm not home anymore, but I do still try my best to tidy up the house, put on makeup, do my hair, and have snacks or refreshments for anyone who tells me they are stopping by. Only recently have I ever welcomed someone into my home without makeup, without cleaning everything, or without doing my hair. Honestly, It's not for their benefit, it's for mine. I have a poor self-image and try to make up for it by only showing my best self at all times. Let me tell you, it is exhausting trying to be on your A-game all the time! So here goes, confession time:
I frequently have a messy house.
I frequently have bad hair days.
I hide things in my bedroom when company comes over.
I am not a perfect parent and therefore frequently use the default line
"Because I said so" (which I thought I would never use before becoming a parent)
I still have some "baby weight" to lose.
And here's the daily struggle right here:
I actively avoid doing the dishes...
In fact, some of my best blog posts were created while I was avoiding the dishes piled in my sink! Haha!
Everybody has little things like this. Little things they don't like about themselves. Flaws, failures, struggles, and yet how often do we let people in close enough to find out our flaws? Are we just conditioned to try to perform all of the time?
When I was little, I remember wanting to create perfect beauty and working hard on something until it was just right, coloring in the lines, following the straight edge of a ruler, making something "perfect" in my point of view. I was not good at finding the beauty in rough edges or mistakes or scribbles, and I often became frustrated when I made those mistakes. Now that I'm a mom, I find great beauty in many imperfect things that my children make. My children tend to take after me in this area, though. They get mad at themselves over the slightest mistake, the smallest flaw. Ethan tried to avoid using his eraser when he first started school. I had to explain that everyone makes mistakes and that having to use the eraser sometimes is okay so that he can try again. Shawn wants to be able to do everything as good as Ethan does and if he doesn't measure up he sometimes just throws the object he messed up and runs away angrily. I totally get it, because I still feel that way sometimes. But, Sam and I have really had to pour encouragement into our boys and build them up just to get them to try new things. We've had to show our flaws to them, talk about how they will not be good at everything, and that it is okay to ask for help on something. Just like a parent-child situation, God frequently shows me that He does not expect perfection from us. He knows that we are flawed and loves us anyways. He doesn't require the prettiest art, the highest grades, or the best all star athlete. He just requires that we try and that when we do make mistakes, we accept them, learn from them, and try again.
Some of my favorite treasures have misspelled words or scribbles, like the gems below.
Ethan's art from a couple years ago.
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Shawn's love note to me from last week. ------------>
Sometimes the imperfect things are more treasured than the perfect. They are what make us human, what make us relatable. The best way that I have found to handle my flaws is to keep trying to improve them, without expecting perfection. After all, if we were perfect, we would not need God and salvation would be up to us instead of Jesus. I don't know about you, but I am totally fine with accepting imperfection and letting Jesus taking my place on the cross!
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 New International Version (NIV)
"Failure is not the opposite of success, it's part of success."
Arianna Huffington
Blessings,
Aubree